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RETIREMENT WITH A GRIN
Recently I was checking my 401k account and thinking about retirement,
as everyone does when they hit 45.
I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes and the expenses.
Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!
Here is my plan: I''m checking into the Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there
is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on
reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount
and senior discount, it''s $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for
breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. It
also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.
Plus, I''ll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer
and dryer. I''ll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. And
I''ll be treated like a customer, not a patient.
Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff
scrambling. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.
The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the
church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport
shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you''re at
the airport, fly somewhere.
Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.
It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand,
Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one
place forever -- you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.
Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too. TV broken? Light
bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix
everything and apologize for the inconvenience.
The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid
checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an
ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and
Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. And no
worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to visit you,
and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grandkids can use the pool.
What more can you ask for?
When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more
benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most standard rooms have
coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV -- all you need to enjoy
a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your
children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or
restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day. Many Holiday
Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Often they have
special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program. You can invite your
grandkids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them
not to bring more than three friends.
Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can
keep you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish
about unfamiliar surroundings, you''ll always feel at home because wherever
you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you''re getting a little
absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding
your room -- your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman
or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.
Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the
feasibility of my plan. I''m happy to report that they were positively
giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even offered
to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down to $40 a
night!
"So, when I reach the golden age I''ll face it with a grin.
Just forward all your emails to the Holiday Inn!"

ONE GOOD TURN...
by James Colasanti, Jr.
The fisherwoman heard the car doors slam above her on the bridge that
traversed the river in which she was fishing. Intent on making her daily
catch, she paid little attention to the noise above her until her dog,
wading in the waters next to her, looked up and growled ominously.
The noonday sun silhouetted the bridge railing. The fisherwoman could
see the outline of a man with two burlap sacks heaving them over the
railing toward the stream below. The sacks plummeted at an alarming speed,
each bag twisting and contorting as something alive fought for escape.
Whatever these creatures were, they were in trouble. The fisherwoman
headed for the bag within her reach and commanded her dog to "fetch" the
other one. After reaching the shore, she slashed the ropes binding the
bags with her pocket knife, freeing the unwilling occupants.
Out jumped a tan Boxer-Pit Bull mix from the first bag, her nursing
nipples almost dragging the ground. Her three tan puppies came out of the
second bag.
The mother dog gathered her pups together, licking them and making
sure they were all okay. Her eyes met those of the fisherwoman. The dog
jumped up on her -- one paw on each of the woman''s shoulders -- and licked
her profusely about the face.
It was the dog''s way of expressing her gratitude for her life and the
lives of her puppies.
"Why, aren''t you the sweetest thing alive?" the woman exclaimed amidst
the bath she was getting from the dog''s raspy tongue. "I think I''ll call
you, Sweetie."
The woman toweled the mother dog and the pups, then everyone piled
into the truck for the long ride home. Because of an already overflowing
household, the fisherwoman could not keep Sweetie and her pups. She
contacted the Animal Rescue and Foster Program to see if anyone could
foster the dogs until they could get a permanent home.
Sweetie came to live with us because no one wanted an adult dog with
"pit bull" in the mix. Her puppies were all adopted out to good homes. At
her new home with us, Sweetie joined the pack -- approximately 30 dogs and
no cat (at that time) and she fit right in.
Many months later, Sweetie would repay the kindness shown to her by
the fisherwoman, and she would pay it forward to us.
The rain that fell that night would not stop. The drops hit the tin
roof echoing throughout the house''s interior like the sound of popcorn
popping in the microwave. Yet, even with the sound of nature''s turmoil
outside, I remained sound asleep inside.
Unbeknownst to us, raccoons had entered our basement wrecking havoc on
the downstairs facility and turning the sump pump over on its side,
rendering it inoperable.
Ever so slowly, the basement began to fill with water. Inching its
way up, each drop seeped in through the aged walls. Our gas water-heater,
on a platform in the corner, was surrounded on all sides by the incoming
flood.
As the rain continued throughout the night, the water level continued
to rise, finally extinguishing the pilot light on the heater.
Surreptitiously, the gas bubbled through the water and filled the entire
basement, eventually rising through the vents to enter the main level of
the house.
Sweetie, alert to the storm -- disliking both the thunder and the
lightning -- now smelled a new nemesis. As the gas permeated the bedroom,
grogginess and delirium engulfed the bed like a noxious cloud.
Sensing the imminent danger, Sweetie started jumping up and down on
the bed and barking loudly at the unseen killer. Still, I was slow to
respond.
As the odor of rotten eggs became stronger, I quickly got up and
realized what was happening. We got all of the dogs and ourselves out of
the house and onto the covered porch and called the gas company for
assistance.
Sweetie had repaid the fisherwoman''s kindness by, in turn, saving us.
I believe in miracles in the world and I believe everyone needs that
conviction in their lives. And as proof, at the foot of the bed, Sweetie
lies in the bundled woolen blanket. Her head is ****ed, listening to the
sounds of the night -- her fur stiffening at any intrusive sound.
Her soft brown eyes twinkle in the glow of the greenish night lights,
holding a secret that only she and Heaven know.
And as you may have guessed, Sweetie isn''t telling!
-- James Colasanti, Jr <onegooddog1 @ bellsouth.net>

THE FUNNY THINGS KIDS SAY
While Tausha was at work one morning, her husband gave Kara, 6, a
bath. When Tausha got home Kara was enthusiastically tellling about her
day. Then she said, "And Daddy gave me a bath and washed my hair. But he
forgot to use air con***ioner (hair con***ioner)!" -- Tausha Mason of
Kendallville, Indiana
Joey, 2, usually climbs into bed with Mom and Dad in the early morning
hours and most of the time he doesn''t even wake them up. One morning he
started poking his mother, saying, "Mommy, Mommy!" When she opened her
eyes he said, "Your nose is very loud!" They couldn''t stop laughing. What
a great way to start the day! -- Kim Waldoch (mother of Joey) of Lannon,
Wisconsin (Kim adds: Joey is our special angel. He was born on September
11, 2001. God has allowed us to meet people who have lost loved ones when
the towers fell and he has really touched their hearts.
When JoJean''s grandson Tommy was just beginning to talk, he was
looking through a toy catalog, picking out all the toys he wanted for
Christmas. He would point to each item he wanted and say, "I want this..."
followed by some words JoJean could not understand. Finally JoJean got
down on the floor with him and listened carefully. What he was saying was,
"I want this, batteries are not included!" He had heard too many
commercials! -- JoJean of Rancho Cucamonga, California
Jeremy, 5, was helping his mother Jenn to clean house. He told her
she better get the webs that were in the corner of the steps to the
basement. "The cobwebs?" asked Jenn. He replied, "No, the spiderwebs."
She said, "Well, they are actually the same thing. Cobwebs ARE
spiderwebs." He asked, "What''s corn got to do with it?" (He was thinking
about corn on the cob!) -- Jenn Wensink of LaGrange, Indiana
Here''s another story from Jenn. When she was in grade school she
remembers that Billy F. always sang the Star Spangled Banner this way: "and
the rockets red glare, pilgrims bursting in air..."
Jaci was grocery shopping with her 5-year-old son. They were talking
about the planets in our solar system. They got to the aisle where the
paper towels and toilet paper are and in a very loud voice her 5-year-old
said, "Mom, I would like to see Uranus!" Jaci could not keep from laughing
as everyone within earshot turned to look at them! -- Jaci Boyd of Encino,
California
Lisa''s nephew MJ, 4, was being taught the Apostles at church. When
asked who the four main were he said, "Matthew, Mark, Jesse James and
John." On another occasion MJ''s dad was trying to teach him who the
president is. When he thought MJ had learned, he asked MJ, "Who is the
president?" MJ proudly proclaimed, "George Tree is the president of the
United States!" -- Lisa Stormer (aunt of MJ) of BlackLick, Pennsylvania
When Jason was four, he discovered how mixing colors can indeed create
a new color. At this time his mother was using the blue tablets that you
put in your toilet tanks to disinfect and deodorize them. Jason had just
used the bathroom when he came out and announced to everyone, "Mom, blue
and yellow really do make green!" He had the biggest smile on his face,
like he just discovered something really cool! -- Deb Edwards (mother of
Jason) of Allegan, Michigan
Sarah saw that her mother was having a coughing fit because she had
breathed when she should have swallowed. Sarah wanted to help and she
asked, "Mommy, you want me to do the stress manure (Heimlich maneuver) on
you?" -- Leah Clark (mother of Sarah) of Tampa, Florida (Leah writes that
it had been a terribly stressful day until she and Sarah started laughing
over the "stress manure!")
Macie, 4, came to visit her newborn cousin, Hanna, for the first time.
During the visit it became Hanna''s feeding time. Because Hanna is
breastfed, Macie had a lot of questions, such as "Where is her bottle?
Where does she get the milk?" Trying to find an easy answer, Macie''s
grandmother pointed to the dog and her nursing puppies. "See how the
puppies eat from their mommy?" she said. "That is how Hanna gets her milk,
too!" Macie was greatly concerned. "From the dog?!!" Macie asked. --
Lela Siegel (mother of Hanna) of Mt. Enterprise, Texas

WORTH THE WAIT
by Karin A. Lovold
"Listen closely," I told my two oldest daughters ages nine and seven.
"Now''s your chance to back out, so, listen up!"
They stared at me intently.
"We''ll wait for three hours outside and then, when they open the
doors, we''ll wait for another three hours inside," I said. "Can you handle
that? It''s a lot of waiting time. Do you still want to come?"
They both nodded yes, with my seven year old adding emphatically, "I''m
coming no matter what."
That settled it. I had the tickets, and we were off to go and
experience what some little girls never get to experience in their
lifetime. I was thirty-five, and I''d yet to experience it.
But today was my day. It was our day. We were going to see the
President of the United States of America.
This will be such a memorable day for my girls, I kept thinking to
myself -- a chance of a lifetime.
When we arrived at our spot to begin our wait, about fifty people
stood in line in front of us. Seven thousand people were expected to be
there, so being only fifty people from the front was terrific. We sat, we
stood, we sat, we stood. I gabbed to the people next to us, and my girls
ran around in what small space they had to play.
Three hours slowly ticked down to none and it was finally time for the
doors to open. Once inside, we found seats directly across from where the
President would be, and then the excitement really began. Different
speakers arrived, firing everybody up with their loud voices. A huge choir
sang patriotic songs revving up the crowd that slowly piled in.
"Isn''t this exciting?" I kept nudging my girls. "Pretty soon the
President will be standing right there." I pointed to the podium.
I could tell the excitement was beginning to get the better of them.
I could tell by the looks on their faces. They''ll never forget this for as
long as they live, I thought. I was so glad they were here to experience
such a thing.
Time ticked on and, at last, the moment arrived. All of a sudden, the
lights went out. Then, music began blaring through the loud speakers. The
music grew louder and louder. I could feel the excitement brewing in the
air as everyone stood, eyes glued to the place where the President would
make his entrance -- the only place where the lights still shone. The
anticipation that hovered in the air was palpable. I kept looking at my
girls, fully aware that this was a moment they''d never forget.
Finally, through the loud speakers we heard, "Ladies and Gentleman,
please welcome the President of the United States of America!" And out he
came.
The roar of the crowd was electrifying, and for a brief moment, I
forgot all about my girls. But then, I quickly began pointing out the
President to them, making sure they could see him.
In the midst of all this, I didn''t expect my knees to knock, or my
legs to turn to jelly, or my hands to tremble so much that I couldn''t even
take a picture. I didn''t expect my fist to fly in the air, while I
screamed "Yeah!" at the top of my lungs over and over again. But yet, all
of these things happened. I knew it would be the experience of a lifetime
for my girls, but I hadn''t anticipated the experience it was going to be
for me and for everyone there that night.
It turned out to be something my girls and I could reminisce about
forever. A lifelong memory to talk about -- a day we''d never forget.
"Whew," I said when we finally got back in our car. "We waited six
hours for that, girls." I looked back at them.
"We saw the Prez for about forty-five minutes. So, was it worth the wait?"
"Yes!" they both yelled with wide eyes and big grins on their faces.
Six hours for forty-five minutes, I thought, and I completely agreed
with them. It was definitely worth the wait.
-- Karin A. Lovold <kal3860 @ chartermi.net>

SO LITTLE BRINGS SO MUCH
by Kathy S. Baker
Recently I visited a friend, Marvene, who has been in a nursing home
for several years. At one time she was my mother''s roommate in the home
and I still stay in touch with her.
Lakepoint Nursing Home is in a small town in Kansas. Although I live
in Texas, when I''m there seeing my Dad I always make time to visit Marvene.
I knew the home allowed pets to visit, so last week my black and
silver Schnauzer, Shiloh, accompanied me. I didn''t want to cause too much
commotion so we entered through the backdoor which is very close to
Marvene''s room.
Well, Marvene lit up like a candle when we arrived. She had always
had pets and adores them. Shiloh is not a trained therapy dog so I was
pleasantly surprised that she was very quiet and behaved like a lady.
Within a few minutes, Marvene''s room was filling up! Aides were
bringing people in their wheelchairs while the residents that were
ambulatory were popping in, along with some staff members.
Shiloh certainly knew she was center stage and greeted each visitor
with delight. After sneaking in the back way, I have no idea how word
spread so quickly that there was a "critter" in the house. Word had spread
like a Kansas tornado!
The evening turned into an all-out party for these folks! I couldn''t
have been more pleased knowing Shiloh had brought such joy to them, even if
only for a short while. Each one could hardly wait to get their hands on
Shiloh. They were all smiling ear to ear and many had tears in their eyes
as they told of the pets they "used" to have.
One lady came in and was obviously confused with a far away look. The
minute she saw Shiloh she was transformed before my very eyes, and spoke
lucidly. I truly think Shiloh knew she was helping these folks.
Once the traffic slowed down, Shiloh ended up in my lap with her head
on the arm of the chair. Her eyes fixed on the door. "Doesn''t anyone else
need to see me?" she thought.
She felt the love these strangers had for her, and she knew they felt
uplifted after petting and loving her. I have often read about the
positive results therapy dogs have on the elderly in nursing facilities.
After seeing it for myself, I would urge anyone with a well behaved pet to
give it a try.
Seeing the joy Shiloh brought still has me ecstatic. And, yes, we
will be visiting againâ?T because so little, brought so much, into so many
lives.
-- Kathy S. Baker <LnStrLady @ aol.com>

LICKED TEARS
by Vance Agee
Recently, some government officials have proposed the elimination or
reduction of animal shelters for lost or stray pets as a way to save money.
I only wish they could fully understand the importance of recovering a pet
and the importance of animal friends in God''s universe. They must have
forgotten Coleridge''s Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, "He made and loveth
all..." Or they need their own animal friend.
Pets render immense service in our society -- from providing comfort
to those in residential facilities to waking us to a fire or an intruder.
Each of us has some element of sadness in our lives. Pets are
obviously a comfort which we could find in no other source.
We all get "teary-eyed" once in a while, either about something very
personal or about a sad event on the news. I believe that holding back
heavy crying shows no less depth in our sadness. Actually, without the
release of a "good cry", we hurt even more.
My daughter lives in Brooklyn Heights, a beautiful area, and works at
a great fashion and design firm in the greatest city of the world, New York
City. She recently visited us back here in Western New York state.
However, all visits come to an end. The most difficult to end are
visits home.
Before boarding her flight back, she cried in a very controlled way,
keeping most sadness inside -- a very normal reaction. She was going back
to the city of eight million but away from friends and family.
But she has a little friend, a Yorkie, whom she takes almost
everywhere with her. A smart and caring little canine.
I was amazed at the reaction of this little Yorkie to seeing those
tears. At the airport, her Yorkie stretched to her and carefully licked
her tears.
She did a very thorough job. All around her eyes! She even caused
three slight smiles.
The value of our animal friends? Priceless.
-- Vance Agee <VGAgee @ aol.com>

THE FUNNY THINGS KIDS SAY
Jeremy was getting something out of the refrigerator. His mother
reminded him to shut the door because he sometimes forgets. He wanted to
know why he had to shut the door. She told him that the food stays cold in
the fridge and if the door is left open the fridge will have to
continuously run and that would send their electric bill sky high. Jeremy
wanted to know how a Bill would go sky high and who would take him there.
His mother started to explain that it would cost a lot of money. But as
Jeremy stared at his mother with a blank expression, she gave up. "Never
mind," she said. "It''s over your head." Jeremy looked up at the ceiling
and said, "But Mama, I still don''t see it up there!" -- Jenn Wensink of
LaGrange, Indiana
Here''s another one from Jenn. Jeremy sings the hymn "He is Exalted"
as "He is Exhausted!" (God would be exhausted if He had our human limits!)
Benjamin, 8, was headed for camp with his mother. Other than with his
grandmother, it was the first time he had stayed overnight away from home.
He started to cry when he realized his mom was leaving. She told him that
when he missed her, he should write to her. And she gave him a
self-addressed, stamped envelope. "But Mommy," Benjamin protested, "you
only gave me one envelope!" -- Arretta Rainey (grandmother of Benjamin) of
Middletown, Ohio
When Pat''s children were young, she and a friend planned a trip to the
zoo as a special treat. Pat''s friend''s youngest son said he wanted to see
the "ranky tanks" at the zoo. It was only after he said they were right
beside the monkeys that they figured out it was the orangutans! -- Pat
Martin of Chandler, Texas
Greg was a very imaginative toddler. One time when he was 3, his
Grandpa Dale threatened to make him stand in the corner by himself if he
didn''t stop misbehaving. Greg looked up at him and said, "That''s OK. I''ve
got friends in my pockets!" (Greg is 16 now.) -- Nancy Johnson
(grandmother of Greg) of Laverne, Oklahoma
Nancy also tells about when her second son, now 33, was very small.
He called grasshoppers, "hoppin'' grassers!"
On the last day of their July school holidays, Jacqui took her
8-year-old daughter Kate and Kate''s best friend Philip, also 8, to the zoo
for the day. Later Jacqui told them that Philip and his dad were going to
stay for dinner. Kate and Philip asked if Philip could have a sleep-over.
Jacqui said that mostly depended on their behavior. As she walked away,
Jacqui overheard Philip say, "I wish she had just said no. At least then
we could have misbehaved!" -- Jacqui of Melbourne, Australia
Andrew, 7, was watching his mother''s boyfriend cook frog legs. Andrew
asked, "May I have some chicken, please?" Rod said, "It is frog legs not
chicken." Andrew replied, "If I eat some will they make me hop?" -- Kaci
(mother of Andrew) of Indianapolis, Indiana
Nancy''s young nephew was riding in the car with his family when they
passed a factory that was sending up puffs of smoke. Billy''s voice
suddenly was heard saying, "So THAT''s how they make clouds!" -- Sally
Morris (about her friend Nancy) of Wellington, Florida
Elizabeth invited her brother to conduct a mini question and answer
session for her first grade class. Since he was home from seminary and
vacationing with his family, her brother was not wearing clerical attire,
but Elizabeth introduced him as Father Joseph. Throughout the session the
children answered questions appropriately, but over and over Billy
exclaimed, "Wow!" At the end of the class Billy asked if he could touch
Father Joseph. "Of course," said the priest, "but why is that so
important?" Billy replied, "I never thought I could touch Jesus'' Father!"
-- submitted by Rebecca Hayes (Fr. Joseph de Viveiros, CR shared with
passengers aboard the cruise ship MS Zaandam and gave permission for use in
this column)
Kenzi, 3, is a never-ending source of sunshine and laughter! Her
innocence and quirky little outlooks on life truly crack her family up!
Bath time is always fun. During a recent bath at her grandparents'' house,
when her grandmother saw her floating on her back, moving her arms, and
gently swooshing and swirling her long hair around in the water, her
grandmother asked Kenzi if she was a mermaid. Kenzi quickly responded,
"Noooo, not this time, Gumma. I''m just giving my ears a drink!" -- Rhonda
Jalbert (grandmother of Kenzi) of Port Angeles, WA
A friend of Ginger''s took her grandson to church. When he attended
with his mother he always attended Children''s Church, but Grandma allowed
him to attend regular service with her. This particular Sunday was
Communion Sunday and Lila stated that he made her so proud because he was
quiet and didn''t wiggle during the whole service. After church she asked,
"Teddy, how did you like church?" He replied, "It was fine. Except they
passed over me with the afternoon snack!" -- The Rev. Ginger Robinson of
Columbia, Missouri

The best thing to happen to mornings since the Sun!

Your morning thought for the day:
Look to your health; and if you have it, praise
God and value it next to conscience; for health
is the second blessing that we mortals are
capable of, a blessing money can''t buy.
-- Izaak Walton​

Have you experienced what gravity does? Not only does it keep us
solidly planted on Earth, but it also does a few other things that Betty
King so aptly points out today. You''ll enjoy her humor about a sensitive
subject!
Response to last week''s story, about waiting to see the president,
brought in a ton of fascinating letters. Heartwarmer members sure have had
their share of close encounters. You''ll be amazed, and entertained, at
some of the stories in today''s Mailbag.
Be on the lookout for a special announcement from us soon. This is an
exceptional opportunity, so you''ll want to jump on it quick.
GRAVITY TAKES ITS TOLL
by Betty King
"You''re too thin."
The doctor''s words skipped down my spine and sent a thrill over my
entire body! Where did I hear that you can never be too thin or too rich?
However, a few years have passed since that comment was made, and
multiple sclerosis, a hysterectomy, hormones, steroids, lack of exercise,
age and food, have taken a toll on my body.
Now I was on the cold OB/GYN table, with a paper napkin the size of a
newborn''s bib covering essential parts.
"So how are you, Mrs. King?" my doctor asked.
What else could a doctor ask, walking into the room and finding a
whale had been harpooned and dry-docked on his examining table?
"Well, doc, I''m twice the woman I used to be."
After a double take at the catch of the day, his response was, "That
you are!"
I could have cried tears. But instead, I prayed, "God show me the
humor in life!"
Now, it is a proven fact -- laughing burns more calories than crying.
So it is, I began to look for the humor in life.
Gravity soon became a big issue with me. The group of ladies I claim
as friends had a big discussion one day...
"You''re what has fallen?" I asked.
"You mean yours hasn''t?" one of my friends responded.
"I don''t know. I never noticed," I said.
That was the first conversation my girlfriends and I had about gravity.
They were referring to my bottom-side. My friends are a few years
older and they had already experienced the first of the "Big Pull."
"It''s where it''s always been, as far as I know." Neither my husband
nor anyone else had mentioned seeing it in a different location, I
insisted.
Why do people''s questions seem to bring about reality?
I soon noticed my bottom side creeping. I found myself having to
adjust my underwear. Where in the Sam Hill is it headed, I wondered.
No sooner did I notice the fall than the spread occurred. I wish they
had never mentioned this underside structural defect.
I began keeping a closer eye on the reflection staring at me in the
mirror. That was my second mistake. The first was keeping company with my
"older" girlfriends.
Soon I was buying uplifting bras. There was a conspiracy going on, I
just knew it. But at least there were garments that could take care of
that problem.
"Bill, does my chin look like I have two?" Must be this mirror
playing tricks on me, I reasoned.
One day, I overheard someone speaking about how older women''s knees
sag. "What?" I couldn''t believe that my whole body would one day be
living somewhere around the South Pole.
After a few years, one of my best friends commented, "I just hate
these jowls of mine."
"Jowls? What are jowls?" I asked.
"Oh, just something else gravity gets a hold of," she said nonchalantly.
"You girls can go there if you want, but I''m not moving any further
south than I''ve already gone," I insisted.
"Apron? No, I never wear an apron," I said in response to another comment.
"I don''t mean an apron you wear in the kitchen, silly. I''m talking
about stomachs seen hanging below shirts or blouses." That was another
notion I didn''t care to entertain.
"Not me!" I was adamant in my reply.
"Oh, just wait, your turn''s coming," another of my friends chided.
"I''m not going to let myself go, not me, never," I insisted.
"Betty, that''s just part of getting older. Your body just starts
heading south and leaves you with all these wonderful souvenirs."
"No, thank you. I can do without such keepsakes," I responded.
As the years are passing, though, it seems my body is too -- right on
down and out. My age is running a tight race trying to keep up with my
girlfriends, and so is my body.
It seemed my younger days and their assets got up and went. I''m still
searching their whereabouts.
I got up the other morning, took my shower and looked in the mirror.
There wasn''t much left above my knees. I think I''m going to have to find
new friends! They''ve put a hex on me!
I am learning one thing, though -- never say never. I fear someday I
may wake up, stand up and find myself lying in a puddle somewhere down
around my ankles.
I''m finding age can be depressing or funny. It''s all in the attitude!
-- Betty King <baking2 @ charter.net>

MEANT TO BE
by Lisa Foss
We had just completed one of those tasks that comes with mixed
feelings -- opening up the family lake cabin for the season.
It was the first of May, early for northern Minnesota, but the weather
had warmed sooner than most years, and, well, we just couldn''t wait.
Opening the cabin is a lot of hard work, but it''s the preface for a summer
full of weekends at the lake, fishing, hiking, watching the eagles and
ospreys play in the sky, and letting our Border Collie, Molly, run and play
and guard the property (her self-appointed duty).
After a few days, she''s always exhausted but completely happy, and
when it''s time to go, she''s compliant but reluctant to get in the car to go
home.
It was mid-afternoon on Sunday, and Molly was in the back seat
purposely ignoring us, as if to say, "Why in the world can''t we just STAY
there?" We made our way along US 2 on this warm, sunny day, talking about
going to work the next day and thinking, "Why in the world...?"
We passed over a huge lake which was so big the highway bisects it.
There are no houses or cabins near this part of the lake, probably because
of the highway noise. We had just crossed the lake and hit the opposite
shore, when I looked over to the opposite side of the highway. I don''t
know what caught my eye, because I usually stare out my window while my
husband drives.
There in the ***ch was a small, golden face, watching the cars whiz by
at 60 miles per hour, ears perked up, eyes bright.
Steve saw it too, and without a spoken word from me -- a habitual
animal rescuer -- he slowed down and turned the car around. He pulled over
near this gold pup, who watched us warily. I jumped out of the car with
the spare leash I always have and made my way slowly to the pup, who stood
up, wagged its tail and barked. From there it was a game of "I take two
steps forward, and the pup runs five feet further away."
If things had been different, I might have given up. But the highway
was so busy, and it looked like a very young Golden Retriever or Lab puppy
with no collar or tags. Since the lake is in the middle of a reservation,
it was almost certain someone had just dumped her off.
I pursued her and then she finally went down an embankment into a
tangle of brush and swamp. I thought for sure she would escape me, but
when I got down there, she rolled over on her back. I went to pick her up
and thought I''d have to worry about being nipped, but she didn''t make a
move to get away. I cradled her in my arms and made my way back to the
car.
As we turned around to head home again, I started checking her over,
looking for any injuries. That''s when I realized she was covered in ticks,
some as big as a dime. So during the remaining two-hour trip home, I
picked off every single tick. She didn''t make a sound or wince away from
me.
I couldn''t help but fall in love with her. I wasn''t so sure about
Molly or my three Siamese cats, but in the nine months we''ve had her, she''s
turned into an exceptional dog.
During her first visit to the vet when we got home, we were told she
was probably about five months old. She was malnourished but otherwise
healthy.
We named her Maggie and she''s made herself at home in our lives. Even
the cats like her. She still has a lot of trust issues, but around us
she''s a very happy little dog. She''s stayed at about 25 pounds and we
think she''s a ****er/Lab cross.
They say things happen for a reason. I think our passing that way at
that time was meant to be.
Maggie thinks so, too.
-- Lisa Foss <lisafoss @ yahoo.com>

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