Viết cho những ngày đầy cảm xúc

"How did I fall in love with you" - Backstreetboys/Yao Si Ting

Thank so much.

"What can I do to make you mine
Falling so hard, so fast this time
What did I say, what did you do?
How did I fall in love with you?"

The melody and the lyrics are so sweet and gentle. But is this a trouble for the man's falling in love with the woman who used to be his close friend, like sister and brother.? How did I fall in love with you? We understood, we'd never be alone.

The man sings "I don't wanna live this life". From my side I have never felt like that even though the disorder of mine is so harsh. I felt like I am stepping toughly advance in my life, but after all, I still wish to live this life happily, with all of the beloveds of mine.

Now I have ceased listening to the song due to earache because I have had my headphone on for several minutes. This is a little bit strange because I often wear headphone for a long time to listen to the BBC radio. This time I listen to the song repeatedly but do not think it has been that long. I have the symptom of earache whenever I wear something on my head, except hat and helmet.

Last week I had an appointment with a lady whose phone number I found randomly on my call list. We had a nice coffee and she showed that she have sympathy with me in the end. Few days ago she messaged me to invite me to go to the park to speak English with foreigners but I have refused her twice because I was very busy. She may be angry about this but I hope she could understand me.

A friend on skype called me and we had a conversation in English for almost 40 minutes. Now I have had two students without charge, one is my little sister and the other is that friend. I promised to teach them English. Now I have to let my little sister use the computer so I will be back later on.

I am so sleepy, even though I got up late this morning. Things are not like they were before...

Some days ago I had a skype talk with an online friend. When he asked me about my boyfriend, I said "I would say no" and explained that we had not contacted for a long time. In fact it is not like that, we just contacted some days ago. The reason why I said that was my mom's listening to me when I was talking with friends in English, and she could understand most of what I say. I think that my boyfriend has held this against me. But it is just a guess.

Nowadays my boyfriend just contacts me whenever he needs something, and I could not give him what he wants, or at least I postpone it as long as I can. But I cannot say anything for sure. I do not want to make it with him and he rarely contacts me. That is fair enough because if he requests me often, I would not be able to bear it. But how can I make sure that the reason why he rarely contacts me is itself? I totally do not understand him and cannot put my finger on it regarding whether he loves me. Right now I feel so fed up with love. I am in the bordering line of two schools of thoughts. Firstly I guess that he is in love with me. Secondly I think he just takes advantage of me. And I cannot say which is true.

Time will answer me all. Right now I suppose that I will not give him anything he wants and wait until he behaves properly. If after a long time he is still indifferent, I will depart from him. I could not do that more anyway.

My parents and my aunts do not want me to get involved in any replationship like that any more, they even do not want me to get married and I obey them. But what happens if I fall in love again? I think any man wants a commitment (is it true) or at least what I meant to say was for the serious men. Right now I feel so indifferent.

The reason why I still hang out with this man is because I have had some excuses to trust his love, and I do not want to get rid of them, or his love. I think I will be very regretful if I quit this relationship, or at least I will regret many good memories. But deep within my soul I feel he does not love me.

I have to pray more, will be back later.

Chẳng có ba mẹ nào lại muốn con gái mình không lập gia đình đâu, chỉ là họ thấy những người đang đến với bạn ko vì mục đích nghiêm túc.
Mà trước mẹ bạn làm công việc gì mà tiếng anh khá vậy, nghe hiểu đc chuyện bạn nói ở skype?

Do tình hình sức khỏe của mình rất tệ nên bố mẹ mình nghĩ mình không thích hợp làm vợ làm mẹ, còn việc họ không muốn mình tiếp tục với những người bạn trai kia chắc là lý do giống như bạn nói.

Mẹ mình chỉ làm công việc liên quan đến gia công và sản xuất thôi bạn, nhưng hồi còn trẻ có đi học thêm tiếng Anh cũng khá, nên hiểu hết tiếng Anh mình nói.

Time has changed me, but I do not know how much and how long it will last. These days I have fallen in love with a foreigner, to whom I just said goodbye because of distance love. But I suppose he is a Vietnamese guy whom I have known for ten years.

I do not know where to start, because this man also requests much for ***, I do not like it and have refused him all the time. Deep within my mind I feel any man's love is just bright for the beginning, and by the time it will loosen, especially when the girl has given him the utmost. So I feel in love with this man but I'm so unsure about his love, the relationship, and the usual men's practice. I am worried about the ending, even though most of the time he was online, I just kept responding to him, and usually said "no" for his ***ual requests. He was not the first or the only man from whom I have got flirtation, but I have felt for him due to unintended reasons like the boy who was 9 years less than my age, which makes my feelings turn to a new direction which favours their men's will. However, I suppose I do not believe in any man any more so I have not given the men what they like or do not want to do so. However my feelings go on supporting this love and I most of the time have been waiting for him just to talk. But life becomes so boring since most men want *** and once they get it what will the relationship become? We should have many things to share other than plain ***. If the most interesting things the man can say regard *** only, then after *** is done what else can he say? I want more from a man than just ***ual desire like this. But most of the men who I know and who were mine mention *** day by day, as if there were nothing more. I'm fed up with this world because they adore ***, at lease half of the world, which means males.

I should work now though I have more things to express, because I have neglected it for a certain time. It is now time for work again.

How do I say? I have fallen in love with another foreigner, because of some mixed reasons which made me unfavour the previous one. And now I am looking forward to seeing this new man online day by day, instead of the old one. I do not know where I am going because I am risking my life for getting involved in the distance relationship with this man. There are some things about him which I do not like. For example, he likes to address me as the dirty ***ual things, and is very patriarchal, as he told me to "obey". I hate that and feel very unpleased, even though I have the tendency of obedience, which seems to be a habitual past. But the thing is, he is many years younger than I am, and I do not like to obey any man.

Today he is not coming during the afternoon and evening, I feel so bored. The previous foreigner did not come for few days and I get bored of him, plus some other exeptional reasons, I got rid of him. I have the tendency of getting rid of my lover if he disappears for a certain time because I do not know what and where he has been. And I do not want this relationship will last for a long time, because it is distance love... He just came and said if I do not send him ***y pictures tonight, he will not talk to me. He just raises difficulties for me.

He is talking now. So I will type more later.

Hình như có người complain mình. Mình lại phải ca lại cái điệp khúc rằng thì là "thấy vậy mà không phải vậy"; rằng những biểu hiện và suy nghĩ bề nổi đó không thực chất là của mình, nó do một third party gây nên. Ví dụ như mình biểu hiện ra là sợ người ta ăn hết phần của mình, thì thực bụng mình không nghĩ vậy, mà thực sự mình nghĩ em ấy ăn càng thoải mái vào càng tốt. Có rất nhiều người hiểu lầm mình về mặt này, mình cứ biểu hiện ra những điều rất có vẻ xấu tính, nhưng thực chất mình không nghĩ vậy. Cái xấu kia nó do một third party (một người nào đó, hay một cô hồn nào đó) làm cho mình cứ biểu hiện ra như vậy. Bản thân mình biết cái nào tốt cái nào xấu, cái nào nên không nên, và mình không có hẹp hòi đến mức độ như mọi người thấy.

Cho nên nếu có hiểu lầm gì thì mong em hãy hiểu cho chị nhé, chị không thực sự nghĩ vậy đâu. Cả em trai chị cũng vậy. Nó cứ nghĩ chị có tình cảm đặc biệt với nó, nhưng thực chất là do những hiểu lầm về cảm nghĩ của chị, chị không cố ý nhưng nó cứ biểu hiện ra làm cho người khác hiểu lầm. Biết nói sao đây chị là người ngay thẳng và rộng lượng, cái nào ra cái đó. Cả em và em trai chị đều dở ở chỗ quen lâu vậy mà không hiểu đó chỉ là hiểu lầm, không hề biết đến sự tồn tại của một người đứng đàng sau tất cả những vụ này. Mà thực chất trong thế giới vô hình của suy nghĩ và tiếng nói đó có đến ít nhất là 3 người, trong đó một người nữ chuyên đi gieo rắc cái xấu cho mọi người nghĩ về chị, chị không muốn giải thích dài dòng nhưng em phải hiểu là chị không có xấu xa như vậy đâu, chị biết cái nào phải cái nào bậy mà, sao lại có tính đó được. Chị bị hiểu lầm cả chục ngàn lần không kể xiết, nhưng với em thì chị phải nói, vì em là bạn của chị. Sẵn đây chị nói chuyện em trai chị luôn vì nó nói xéo chị là đểu (với nó) nhưng thực chất đó toàn là hiểu lầm. Chị không bao giờ có tình ý hay là thích những biểu hiện tình cảm nam nữ gì với nó, nhưng bề ngoài thì ngược lại hoàn toàn. Chị không khống chế được biểu hiện của mình, mặc dù biết đó là ảnh hưởng đến danh tính và con người mình nhưng nó cứ ngoặt ra như vậy. Đây không biết là lần thứ bao nhiêu chị phải giải thích với người ta về vấn đề này. Nhưng có những cái biểu hiện không nói lên được thực chất vấn đề, mà phải dùng lời lẽ để minh bạch.

Chị mong em hiểu cho chị và đừng oán giận chị nữa. Sẵn đây chị nói luôn, chị đúng là không có cái đầu, bố chị cũng nói chị thế. Em có nói thì chị cũng nhận thôi, nhưng còn những suy nghĩ xấu xa về em là chị không có, hay ít ra là không phải chị nghĩ. Em hiểu cho chị nhé.

I'm typing English again. There are so many things happening around me and this forum which make me suspect that the foreign guy is a Vietnamese one, and that he has had a girlfriend before making friend with me. I do not want a distance love (if he is really a foreigner) and do not want to spoil the relationship between he and his girlfriend. She is very nice and beautiful, much more than I am, so I think if he lets go of her he will regret. We are all nice ladies and I know men sometimes want more than what they have because of what they have not had. But I am sure this man has not really loved me truly, and I can not compete with her. So I will let go of him and hope that she will forgive him. We have not gone further than normal relationship and I hope that her love can keep him back. I am the third person and I understand the feeling of ladies...

For the boyfriend with whom I have been hanging out with, I know (or at least suspect) that he has been in a relationship with another girl, that is why I could forget him so quickly. Now I do not want to come back because I could not love a man twice. But I hope that he will calm down, just to let everybody feel the peace. I have decided to live alone and moreover I am too old to be in love again. So I would not be in love with any man, at least for a year ahead.

Now I should work to make my parents happy. I should try. Life is not easy but we should do neccessary things to fulfill it and feel content in our mind.

I would like to add morere. Mr Foreigner has informed me that he would be busy because he wished to complete his girlfriend's emotions. So I am not important to him. Please understand him lady.

Now I come back to my daily routine.

Good luck.