Viết cho những ngày một mình

My English is not perfect. I even feel bored having to read any post in English again. Maybe it is because I read it again already, and expectedly, I felt bored. I find it more interesting reading my Vietnamese posts.

Sometimes, or rather, usually, I let my mind wander through different areas of thoughts which are foreign to my personality and my nature. At that time I let myself expose such thoughts and people easily see that I am thinking badly. However, they are not my natural thinking. They actually are, someone else's thoughts or someone else's forces which make my mind think like that. And most of those foreign thoughts are against myself.

So please be understanding and thoughtful. I never mean to cause troubles to my relationship and I myself do not have too much thinking like that. If I could dismiss all the bad thoughts, my thinking would be direct and true. I have *****ffer mind-wander and thought medley until I find my way to get rid of those. Right now my mind is very heavy.

Now I have to let my younger brother use my personal computer so I will come back and share more later.

I have read my last post for the second time and felt pleased because my writing was interesting. After chatting with a foreign friend in English, I feel eager to speak or write English because my English is improved a little bit. You know when you speak English a lot, you still need time to write what you will speak with sounder content because what you prepare beforehand in writing will give you more time, more work, and more lecture which you cannot do if you just do plain speaking. Imagine, you could not seek for new words or expressions when you just speak and speak, and when you speak much, you find no more idea to talk about.

That's why preparing what you are going to speak is important, and it is more effective if the preparation is writing. But if you just wirte and write day by day without uttering English, you can never speak English fluently. You need both practices, writing and speaking.

Speaking and uttering the right pronunciation helps your listening better. And remember, you can never recognize the strange words if you did not know them before. So learning vocabulary and praticing uttering the words are important to listening skill. You should hear the words you pronounce and then listen to other speakers to catch the words rightly. Now the task of writing and speaking helps you improve your listening.

Reading is now more easy because you have learnt many new words through the previous steps. Reading can also help you practice the other skills because you learn new words through reading (with or without the help of a dictionary).

All in all, you need to learn much vocabulary to enhance your English.

No one answer my messages. I want to chat in English so much but find no friends to do that. So I am writing here to satisfy my eagerness to practice English.

One girl whom my mom and I know in the pagoda shares her facebook with me and introduces me an English teacher to practice English with. This man replies me long after my messages are sent and usually it's the time I go offline. When I am online, I message him but he never replies in time. He waits until I go offline and sends several messages. This man's surname is Lê. I wonder.

However, most of my online friends do not reply my messages. I wonder why I am so isolated. I want to have many friends or at least, my online friends are willing to reply me whenever I send them greetings. Among the lists of nearly one hundred friends on yahoo and a couple of hundred friends on facebook, I receive no reply even though I patiently send them my "hi" again several times. Sometimes some friends even libel me without reason. These friends might know me before and held something against me and when I was interested in making new friends, they took advantages to make me upset.

I love my parents but sometimes I feel like I dislike my father. He is hot-tempered and never controls his tantrums. He often shouts at my mom and me and shows less anger at my younger brother and other ascendant people who have big influence on him. He bullies good-natured people who do not show much or any anger at him. Both my father and my younger brother never admit that they are wrong, and when others talk about their shortcomings, they will get angry.

I love my mom and my little sister most. Every other beloved is second. I want to make their lives happy but my ability is limited. I even cannot take care of myself. I want to be independent or at least I could live together with my family but I could earn enough for the whole family's need. Early this evening, my mom called my little sister who is sick and cried a little bit on the phone. I asked her why she cried, she just said she was sad because of many things.

Well, I'm gonna eat bread with cheese, which can make me cease my writing. Will be back later.

I followed the instruction (implied) of a friend and take it effective, so I have to say thanks to him and notice that he is good to me, wonder if he is the right man I think about: ex. But if he still cares for me that much, why did he broke the date and his friend told me that he was in hospital, so that he has not contacted me for several days. I think only does he understand me and the situation that much.

Am I free from now on? I have to wait several days to check if the disorder still drops by me. But I still say thanks in advance because the advice helped me a little (if not much) so far. If I am really free from now on, I will be the happiest person in the world. Thanks so much my ex

Would you like me to change your nickname from "ex-" to "current-"? Sometimes I miss you much, but I just confessed it to my online friend, I did not dare to tell anyone or publicize it on the forum because I was afraid that you would not care. Now I know I am important to you. I will not ignore you even when you do not reply my messages because I must understand that you have your own reasons . But do not let me wait for so long, I would take it bad

This afternoon the sky is so grey, grey like my empty heart without anyone who is willing to fill it. I feel lonely and miss the old grey afternoon when it was raining and I traveled by my bike to the dating place with my ex. All is because of the grey sky. But sometimes my heart is so fresh without thinking of any man or guy whom I used to date. All in all, I miss the memories, not the person.

The sky is so romantic, which reminds me of the old grey sky whenever is was raining, and myself moving to the dating place. I'll be right back.

Mentioning the grey sky again, it is so romantic but it attaches to the "*** in the inn" because all the dates I had with my ex were to go to "the place", nothing sweet but *** so thinking about the image of the two people in the inn, I could not bear it. I do not like it. It is so terrible, dirty and damn. But I made it however. So I am dirty girl, at least in the past.

Thinking about my mental problem, I still had the disorder yesterday after few days free from it and applying the method which someone implied. The method is useful only when the disorder is light, when it is heavy, I could not avoid it. So someone who offered the method to help me was kind but regretfully he could not help me much. But I still say thanks to him again. Wonder who he is, if not my ex.

The neighbour is playing Modern Talking's music with good sound, I feel so good

I guess that my ex has got a new girlfriend, due to some clues which are not clear but the fact is he has not contacted me again. I did hope for his contact but now I believe that he will not do that again, because he has been trying to show me that he has a girlfriend (at least I guess so). Opps, I miss my aunt very much. She was with me yesterday when I had a disorder until she falled asleep and then myself. I am so frustrated because the disorder has not left me, it still comes to my life every couple of days which makes me panic. I do not know which is the truth: the things which make me fear every time the disorder comes, or the ever truth of life that we cannot change our destinies which God has ever planned. Even though the disorder has come to me more than a hundred times, I still believe I could get rid of it when I am free, but again and again it comes to ruin my health, and yes, my life. Until now I have believed that it is the ever mental problem I have to face, and deep within my heart I still hope that it will end some day. Well, just hope. But how could I ever adjust my thinking so that I would not believe in those theories, the theories which make me fear. There are two extremes on my mind: Mysticism and Theology. The latter helps me to fix my fear gradually with the collaboration of medicine. And usually, after overcoming the disorder, I feel very glad and expect like ever that it would not come to me again, but you know... Yes, someone said, to hope in any case.

Suddenly I miss this song: "Núi đồi ***g lộng chiều mưa nhớ ai..."

I had one or two friends on skype to chat in English with but now they are all gone, so I take a chance to type about my thinking, and hope that I could do it like the time I chat with my friends, which means to reflex well in English (but without any reply), and find it interesting to type alone and along in English.

My friend on skype asked me: "How do you feel about your life?" and mentioned some kind of power. I do not know exactly his motive for saying that but I agree that there is one kind of power, which makes us feel things rightly and act well in life. I do not mean that I have this kind of power, and I do not want to mention it. All I know is that Internal Power can make us feel strong and guide us through the paths of life.

Even when I feel like my ex-boyfriend has forgotten me, I have no feelings for it even though sometimes I think he actually had no sentiment to me. If I had a chance to turn back time, I would not do that because all what I have done is not regretful and I could move ahead without wishes to change anything happening before. I have learnt to be content with things as they are and what I am, and I have read somewhere that they wish to have a peaceful life. Yes I said the same to my skype friend, and all about my unregretful mind and it was the very time that he started saying things about Power, moreover he started it with saying that because I felt no regret, I had no power. So how can we acquire power inside?

I will type more later.

Cái mà bạn Sara đang làm là triệt để dùng phép thắng lợi tinh thần.

Ví dụ mình không đi làm đàng hoàng tử tế thì vin cớ "tôi bị bệnh."
Ví dụ mình liên tục bỏ tiền ra bao trai thì lại nói "tại có lần nọ nhờ 'ấy' mà hết cơn bệnh nên tôi mới..." (Cái chi tiết này tôi mới thấy à nha, năm ngoái hổng thấy.)
Ví dụ mình hứa hão là ăn chay, niệm Phật rồi lại vin cớ "tại mẹ tôi không có nấu cơm chay cho tôi nên tôi đành ăn mặn."
Ví dụ mình bị ông T nào đó đá bay, không thèm liên lạc (cái gì mà ổng gửi tin nhắn cho 1 nhóm mà không lần nào có mình) nhưng cứ lảm nhảm "ảnh rõ ràng là yêu mình, chẳng qua là ảnh sợ mình không yêu ảnh nên ảnh chưa dám ngỏ lời."
Ví dụ mình lên lớp ăn nói bậy bạ nên học trò méc nhà trường, làm nhà trường đuổi việc mình thì mình đổ lỗi cho "cô Minh, bạn gái cũ của người yêu cũ."

Tóm lại là tốt hết trơn, chỉ tại vì mà là thì...

Bệnh gì mà bệnh khôn quá vậy. Cứ cái xấu thì có đủ cớ để biện minh. Còn có cái ngủ dậy sớm cho ra dáng con người (chứ không phải để nấu cơm nhé, vì nếu cầu thì nấu từ tối cũng được) mà không làm được. Đánh một giấc tận 10 giờ sáng rồi mới - ọe - nở mắt ra như bông hoa mười giờ ấy.

Chị Hai này năm nay 34 tuổi Ta phải không? Ăn ngủ cho nó đúng giờ cho ra dáng con người đi, chứ đừng như con lười nữa. Bộ không đi làm rồi thì có quyền ăn, ngủ, sống bầy hầy ra hay sao?

Mười cái niệm Phật không bằng một lần dậy sớm, tập thể dục đâu.

Phật nào mà độ, mà chứng cho mấy cái lời cửa miệng thế này. Phật đâu có ngu, đâu có đui, đâu có điếc.

Nửa năm nữa là lên 35t rồi đó chị, ráng mà sống chỉn chu lại, hết 2/3 đời người rồi còn gì. Ở đó là mơ ex sẽ quay về (cái này tôi đọc thấy chứ không bịa nhé) hay là mơ cậu nào trẻ hơn 9 tuổi sẽ yêu mình đi.

Định im luôn không giải thích với bạn phimkhach nhưng nhớ có lần bạn ấy giúp mình nói đôi lời với bình minh mưa nên nói rõ để bạn hiểu. Số là tôi ấn Like cái bài đó chỉ là vì phần khen ngợi tôi chứ phần dưới nói gì bạn tôi không có ý like cả phần đó. Chỉ vì hai bài gộp chung mà lúc đó tôi vội đi ngủ nên ấn like luôn, bạn thông cảm tôi không có ác ý với bạn. Đừng bài xích tôi như thế nữa nhé. Lẽ ra tôi định mặc kệ nhưng nghĩ lại bạn cũng từng có ý tốt với tôi nên tôi không muốn mất đi một người bạn. Thế nhé.

Bạn cứ hiểu là mình like bài Anxiety vì lâu rồi mới thấy An quay lại viết bài thôi, chứ ko có ý định bài xích gì bạn đâu. Mình cũng không biết bài bạn ấn Like mà có liên quan tới mình mà bạn nói là bài nào, tại mình cũng chỉ để ý tới việc ai nói gì với mình thôi. Bạn thấy có ai công kich mình mà trong đấy có cái gì làm bạn đọc thấy vui, thấy thích thì bạn cũng cứ ấn like cho người ta hứng khởi viết tiếp, để mình vào đây còn có cái để đọc, chứ còn mình thì cũng sẽ không nghĩ ngợi gì về việc bạn ấn like đó đâu. Mình vào đây có chủ đề để chém tì giải trí là thấy vui rồi, còn cái gì mà thấy căng thẳng làm mình phải suy nghĩ nhiều thì mình bỏ cái đấy đi thôi, chứ không để bận tâm nhiều.

Cám ơn bạn đã chia sẻ suy nghĩ của bạn với mình, bạn tham gia post bài vui vẻ. [r2)]