We need comments to improve our writing skill ^^

Để phục vụ cho việc học Tiếng Anh, cụ thể là Writing Skill, mình phải viết bài tập hàng tuần. Mình rất mong các bạn comment cho bài viết của mình, có thể về content, grammar, word choice... hay đơn giản là reaction của các bạn, để dựa vào đấy, mình có thể viết lại những version khác tốt hơn..
Những bạn nào cũng có nhu cầu như mình thì cứ post lên nhé, mình sẽ comment nhiệt tình
Cám ơn mọi người trước, tặng mọi người hoa hồng nè
ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOMED
Đây là đoạn paragraph mình viết tuần này:

Version 1:

Date of writing: 24/09/07

Topic: What are the three most important qualities of a good boss?

Professionalism, understanding and confidence are the three most important qualities that make a good boss. First, a good boss must be a professional one, which means he is to have a good knowledge in his business?T specialization. The fact shows that, employees need a boss from whom they can learn something new or ask for help whenever they meet difficulties in work. Having experience in whatever field he is in will helpful to earn respect from employees. Second, understanding is a key for boss to be a good one. He should learn to be a good listener and open communicate with his staff as much as possible. Putting himself right in his staff?Ts position is the best advice for boss to be understanding. Last, one couldn?Tt be a good boss without confidence. It?Ts evident that boss has to make daily decision, he is always the final words on all matters. Being confident shall help him to deal with any problems quickly and directly. This quality also provides him the ability to think about the future and do whatever is necessary to get the job done. Therefore, a good boss is supposed to have at least these three qualities in order to be the standard for the others.

ALL COMMENTS ARE WELCOMED

Nếu là 1 essay hoàn chỉnh thì cần tách mở bài, kết luận. Mỗi ý nên thành 1 paragraph riêng.

the outline of paragraph
open:
have several open
1- come the main idea and give the specific reasons.
2- come the opposite idea and after that overthrow it. come the main idea and give the specific reasons.
3 - come the opposite idea and give the specific reasons which are wrong. ( protect your point by attacking the opposing view.
--first reason . supporting reason . example ( i think it is important )
--second
--third
conclulsion
say again the reasons. some emotion .
in your topic, the "therefore" is not the suitablity conclusion. i think it seem as the end of reason. used dif "strong" word.
example : in the final analyus......
from the reason didscussed.........
i am strong belief that...........
.
do u agree or disagree with me? give the reasons .
Được thetheme sửa chữa / chuyển vào 08:57 ngày 25/09/2007

Boss is not only man

ấcho bạn ko đưa topic cho từng tuần để chúng ta cùng làm...dễ so sánh !

Hi tOy_LoVeRs et all
Your idea is very intesting I wonder that your are preparing for the TOEFL exam so the idea of the topic is not important. You should primarily concentrate on the logic, vocabulary and grammar of the passage. Good luck!
How about my response?

ủng hộ ý kiến này

I think we should choose two topics for a week. Materials are come from TWE or other sources.
First topic will start at Mon and end at Wed, second one are from Thur to Sat and Sun is for reviewing, comments and spams
Each person suggests each topic and the previous''ll name the next one. Welcome, welcome and welcome

good knowledge means professional?

Thanks for all comments. All of you are really enthusiastic, cheer for that
I totally agree with some suggestions from you. I would like to send the topic tonight so that all of us can solve and check for another. ( cause I have to go now )
Roses for you again, cuties and crazies