We need comments to improve our writing skill ^^

Thanks for your suggestion.
In fact I''m not satisfied at all using the word "THEREFORE" there. I see something wrong with this word but now I know exactly what the problem is after reading your comment.
BTW, several ways of the openning you gave out is quite helpful. I will sure to try it next time

I''m just doing my works at school, a heavy workload with different English skills, you know , so at present I have no idea of taking the TOEFL Test, too busy yep
I would like you to concentrate on my Writing here, I would love if someone gave me strong comments on my work, it would be more helpful
However, I learn sth from your comment, thanks
Được tOy_LoVeRs sửa chữa / chuyển vào 10:46 ngày 26/09/2007
Được tOy_LoVeRs sửa chữa / chuyển vào 10:48 ngày 26/09/2007

Theo ý tôi, một số chỗ bạn nên xem lại cấu trúc ngữ pháp hoặc thay từ khác
First, a good boss must be a professional one,... --- Firstly, a good boss must be a professional.
Nếu để professional one câu này sẽ được hiểu là ông chủ/sếp tốt là ông chủ/sếp chuyên nghiệp (được đào tạo để làm nghề ông chủ/sếp). Nên viết là
Firstly, a good boss must be a professional
hoặc
Firstly, a good boss must be a professional himself
Muốn làm sếp tốt thì bản thân cũng phải là một chuyên viên tốt.
will helpful to earn respect ------------ .......be helpful, be of use.....
open communicate ---------------- openly, with open/broad mind
Putting himself right in his staff?Ts position ------- I''d use the phrase--- Try in to stand in his staff''s shoes
do whatever is necessary----------------do whatever it is necessary
to be the standard for the others ----------- for his subordinates
General impression:
You''d better work on the text a little bit harder, try different sentence structures, different wordings. I think you should enrich your vocabulary. Try some management text books and extract the management language for yourself . Good luck !

Thanks alot. I''ve voted for your enthusiasm.
It''s really helpful, you know

----------------------------------
Sua nhung cho sai thoi, dung sua ca cho dung'' the cu*ng