Who can make corrections to my essay? (An EC's member need help!)

sao phong cách viết em học khác với ở ngoài đó wá à , nhờ chị/anh nào check dzùm
Should all schools be co-educational schools?
Education is considered as a national priority in many countries so that all children are encouraged to go to school. The related question is whether they have only enrolled in co-educational schools because of the associated benefits. Personally, I am unconvinced that a co-educational school surpasses a single-*** school as it offers a better academic environment.
First of all, in the mixed school, students have the same opportunities to acquire knowledge as well as developing naturally. It is true to maintain that co-education itself shows the equal appreciation of the society to both ***es. Nowadays, more and more people claim that there should be equal rights between male and female in every field of life. For that reason, co-education becomes a requirement. In school, particularly in class, male and female students are both in charge and associate together. The lesson of cooperation is not taught by teachers but by themselves. It can potentially create experience for them when they come into adult life.
Even then, there are people who do not believe boys and girls could study well together. They base this belief on some evidences such as the differences in mental ability, biological development and so on. Other people state that ***ual attraction will be the obstacles in the studying process.Therefore, students can not concentrate fully on learning. I admit it is true, but it is also indeed a natural incident. Students could learn and understand vividly the biological differences in genders in biology class. Besides, there is certain that 'puppy love' could have positive impact that motivates students to study better. In other words, although co-education has a few disadvantages, its advantages are strong enough to persuade others to follow.
On the other hand, there are some exceptional cases like religious purposes, parent's expectation or others. Then, students come to single-*** school willingly and it is for sure that no-one has right to ask them to change their mind.
In conclusion, the co-education has shown its domination through many evidences. As long as it is not for private reasons as the mention above, children should enroll in a mixed school.

tránh đường cho bà mập qua coi

well after reading your essay for several times, c ya, I couldn't find any difference between yours and mine. First of all, you showed your own opinion in the introduction praragraph. Then in each following paragraph, you gave a topic sentence (or a thesis statement) and supporting ideas. Last of all is the conclusion. So they're completely similar to each other. Can you show me any difference between yours and mine?
About your essay, you'd better give more reasons to the body paragraph number 2. But it's ok I guess, I'm not professional at writing essays at all.
To sis 6 sense: after reading my essay again and again, I found the 2nd paragraph kind of incoherent. I'd better change a little bit I think.
As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
As our lives change, come whatever
We will still be FRIENDS FOREVER

Nhìn sơ qua thì ý tưởng có vẻ dồi dào.
A few suggestions:
Thesis statement: convinced or unconvinced ?
Body:
Chú ý cách dùng transitions: First of all,........second...
Chia làm 3 paragraphs rõ ràng: 2 đoạn đầu support, đoạn cuối nêu ý kiến trái ngược và phản lại để prove là mình đúng.
Ở đây đoạn support của bạn dài cũng ngang như đoạn phản => doesn't sound persuasive.
Chú ý topic sentence. It's not clear what your topic sentences are and whether your ideas support those topic sentences.
**********************************************************************
Education is considered as a national priority in many countries so that all children are encouraged to go to school. The related question is whether they have only enrolled in co-educational schools because of the associated benefits. Personally, I am unconvinced that a co-educational school surpasses a single-*** school as it offers a better academic environment.
First of all, in the mixed school, students have the same opportunities to acquire knowledge as well as developing naturally. It is true to maintain that co-education itself shows the equal appreciation of the society to both ***es. Nowadays, more and more people claim that there should be equal rights between male and female in every field of life. For that reason, co-education becomes a requirement. In school, particularly in class, male and female students are both in charge and associate together. The lesson of cooperation is not taught by teachers but by themselves. It can potentially create experience for them when they come into adult life.
Even then, there are people who do not believe boys and girls could study well together. They base this belief on some evidences such as the differences in mental ability, biological development and so on. Other people state that ***ual attraction will be the obstacles in the studying process.Therefore, students can not concentrate fully on learning. I admit it is true, but it is also indeed a natural incident. Students could learn and understand vividly the biological differences in genders in biology class. Besides, there is certain that 'puppy love' could have positive impact that motivates students to study better. In other words, although co-education has a few disadvantages, its advantages are strong enough to persuade others to follow.
On the other hand, there are some exceptional cases like religious purposes, parent's expectation or others. Then, students come to single-*** school willingly and it is for sure that no-one has right to ask them to change their mind.
In conclusion, the co-education has shown its domination through many evidences. As long as it is not for private reasons as the mention above, children should enroll in a mixed school.

tránh đường cho bà mập qua coi
[/quote]
Được 5plus1sense sửa chữa / chuyển vào 00:46 ngày 04/06/2003

Sua them mot so cho, nhung cho trong ngoac vuong[ ]. Hope it helps.

Được phocoi sửa chữa / chuyển vào 22:48 ngày 04/06/2003

Glory cảm ơn mọi người đã sửa giùm mình, vì máy tính của mình thỉnh thoảng mới log on vào TTVN được nên hôm nay mới vào cám ơn mọi người được.
Glory học tiếng Anh không chăm chỉ và không liên tục từ đầu nên sai những chỗ rất cơ bản và buồn cười, hiện giờ mình đang cố học để đi học theo chỉ tiêu của cơ quan, mong mọi người giúp đỡ nhiều.
Có một số điểm về grammar and sentence structure thầy Nghiêm chữa khác với Britney lam minh confused.
mình có thói quen học và nhớ hệ thống kiến thức theo các quy luật, obligations, logic nên khi học tiếng Anh có nhiều exceptions quá mình rất khó nhớ, bạn nào có kinh nghiệm học tốt thì giúp mình với.
Cám ơn một lần nữa.

em thấy bài của mình dở dở ương ương sao ấy , hổng có tí academic tí nào ..
em cũng có một bài về môi trường nè , trông nó sao ấy .. nhờ chị coi dzùm tí
A major way to solve the deteriorating global environmental situation is for
the developed countries to share their wealth and resources with developing
countries. Do you agree or disagree?
In order to settle the deteriorating global environmental situation, many people suggest that developed or first world countries should share their wealth and resources to developing or third world countries as a major
factor. Initially, it appears to be an entirely positive idea. However, looking behind the issue reveal a few limitations as well as irrelevance. Personally, I disagree with that sentiment.
Most people are aware that the current environmental problems are mostly the result of human activities, especially not from developing countries, but developed countries. When large quantities of petroleum is used, the damaging gases are released in the atmosphere from the industrial zones,
factories, as well as vehicle of developed nations. Besides, the
multinational companies have been exploiting the natural resources in the name of cooperating programs. These companies have taken advantage of the weak administration of the local government to empty the non-renewable resources. It is indeed true to say that developing countries are just the
victims as well as environment problems are the consequence of developed country's policy concerning the environment. Ironically, people are assuming that the First World countries should share their finance in spite of mending the problem in their own countries.
Environmental problems should be a global concern. People living in developing countries, however, could not ignore their contribution that leads the environment to worse situation. For example, when the populations in the developing countries increase rapidly, the extra land for food becomes a demand and over cutting occurs. Trees help to prevent floods, soil
erosion in local area and the important role is to give oxygen in the whole world now are damaged. Then, the assistance from the rich countries is necessary, but via conveying new technology, open market to improve the business opportunities rather than doing charity.
In conclusion, although the poor countries need the assistance of the wealthy countries, they are also responsible for their actions. Furthermore, the First World countries have to be conscious that they are the great contributors in destroying the environment.
tránh đường cho bà mập qua coi

Bạn Glory thân mến
Tớ mới đọc qua bài essay của bạn và cả correction từ phía các bạn khác. Nói chung về mặt ngữ pháp tớ không dám comments nhiều vì cái đó có lẽ bạn cũng có thể hỏi thầy giáo hoặc là các bạn ở đây cũng đã nói cho bạn.
Tớ chỉ xin comment một chút về phần structure. Có một điều là tớ chưa thấy có bạn nào đề cập đến là trong tiếng Anh, đối với những câu hỏi kiểu lửng lơ như Should all schools be co-educational schools? thì thường người ta ít đưa câu trả lời một cách definite tức là nói lên ý kiến chủ quan của mình. Và thường người Anh cũng rất tránh dùng những động từ có vẻ chắc chắn vì 'everything might happen'. Chính vì thế thay vì dùng will, người Anh thường dùng might, can or anything which has similar meanings. Hơn nữa người Anh dùng khá nhiều kiểu nối câu ví dụ như là However; On the other hand; It can be argued that; Thus; Hence; therefore; Nevertheless; Obviously; In general. Tớ thấy bạn rất thiếu những kiểu câu nối kiểu này trong bài viết của bạn
Đối với bài essay của bạn Should all schools be co-educational schools? Nếu như tớ phải làm cái bài essay đấy. Đầu tiên tớ sẽ define what is co-educational school?
Tớ nghĩ là cái mở đầu theo cách của bạn hơi vague và nói chung không related với câu hỏi cho lắm. Nếu có thể tớ lại thấy ấy để cái cụm này ở final paragraph.
'Education is considered as a national priority in many countries so that all children are encouraged to go to school'.
To be honest, ngày xưa khi tớ viết essay tớ cũng mắc cái lỗi này ( văn hoá của người Việt Nam mà, phải nói lòng vòng cho nó 'văn hoa' cái đã rồi mới vào vấn đề chính. Nhưng sau khi được mấy ông thấy Economics của tớ chỉ bảo tận tình thì đúng là mới nhận ra các thầy ở nhà vẫn còn ' 'Việt Nam' quá
Cho nên toàn bộ first paragraph tớ xin sửa lại là
Co-educational school is the school, where boys and girls are mixed together in a friendly academic environment. There are many benefits associate with this type of education, which enable the system to be the main dominant in almost everywhere in the world. However, the extent to which co-educational school is truly beneficial is still debatable and heavily depends upon the educational purposes of the school itself.
Second paragraph
Tron bài essay này tớ cứ mặc định là cái bài này cho phép ấy can personally comment ( thường thì các bài essay đều rất tránh personal belief). Như các thầy giáo của tớ đều đùa là ' Who the hell are you to believe and think? ' . Tuy nhiên cái câu nói về personal belief của bạn nghe có vẻ hơi dài và nói chung hơi việt hoá và khá là khó hiểu vì nói cho cùng tớ không hiểu ý của bạn định support hay là không support co-educational school.
'Personally, I am unconvinced that a co-educational school surpasses a single-*** school as it offers a better academic environment. '
Tớ sẽ sửa lại cái second paragraph của bạn như sau
Researchers believe that co-educational school is essential in our education system, which I found totally convince. First of all, in the mixed school, students have the opportunities to acquire knowledge as well as developing naturally at the same time. In ad***ion, co-education itself symbolises the equal appreciation of the society to both ***es; especially when more and more people claim that there should be equal rights between male and female in every field of life. It can be argued that in the 'mixed' school, particularly in class, male and female students are both in charge and associate together. Thus, it can create vital experiences for their future life.
Paragraph 3
Tớ xin phép được sửa lại như sau
On the other hand, many people do believe that co-educational school cannot operate without problems. Firstly, girls and boys are quite difference in term of mental and biological development. Thus, it can be argued that pupils might confront the problems of ***ual attraction and could not contrate on studying. Also, there are some exceptional cases such as for religious purposes, which gives single-*** school an absolute advantage. However, I do believe that these cases are indeed naturally incidents. In fact, students could learn and understand vividly the biological differences in genders in biology class. Besides, it can also be said that relationship (so called 'puppy love') could have positive impact on students' motivation in study.
Final paragraph
In conclusions, co-educational plays an important role in the society and therefore will still be the main dominance in school systems. However, bearing in mind of several personal reasons (i.e. religious purposes), single-*** school is still a necessary and crucial part of our education system.
Trên đây là bài tớ sửa dựa trên những ideas mà bạn đã viết trong bài. Có gì các bạn khác cũng góp ý hộ nếu chẳng may tớ có gì sai sót.
Chúc bạn thành công.
Được alohavn sửa chữa / chuyển vào 15:57 ngày 07/06/2003
Được alohavn sửa chữa / chuyển vào 15:59 ngày 07/06/2003

Bác aloha chữa kỹ thật đấy, mọi người xem giúp bài tiếp của em nhé.
Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 - 18 years old) teenage children.
It is obvious that parents and adult relatives play a significant role in shaping a child's life. They teach them how to live and have good manners. However, when children grow up, they often fail to realize all of their contributions and suppose that they are ready to make important decisions all by themselves. In my opinion, it is especially necessary for all parents to give crucial determinations (tu` nay co thay duoc cho decision ko a?)
It cannot be denied that teenagers are always inexperienced, over-confident and scarcely do they realize serious consequences those important decisions may have on their lives. Teenagers, on the verge of becoming adults, consider themselves grownups and perfectly able to decide everything on their own. Yet the fact is that their decisions are influenced by friends' most of the time. A student chooses to enter a university simply because it is the school that her dearest friend registers. In this case, the decision is absolutely influential and may have great negative effects on her later life. At such a point, parents should assist their children in making the final determination. And for one thing, teenagers still haven't been into practical life hence, they have no idea of how the practical world works. In fact, most youngsters find it shocked to discover everything is totally different from their fantasy, where everything is cool and perfect. Therefore, they easily make critical mistakes, which would probably be a disadvantage in the future.
In ad***ion, it's parents' responsibilities to help children come to a right decision. As a matter of fact, they all experienced what their child is going through. Hence, parents are always prepared to give valuable advice when we, teenagers, need them the most. Their life experience is unmatchable asset to help children make right decisions.
*****m up, I totally disapprove of the idea that teenagers should decide everything on their own. Even though they may hate decisions posed on them, it is, in fact, a blessing for them. Teenagers, being experienced, irresponsible and immature, are not perfectly prepared to make significant decisions for themselves. Parents should be the right persons to decide things of great importance.

.
Có thể có nhiều kiểu chữa khác nhau mà, nhưng thầy chữa như thế nào? bạn mới học thầy nghiêm à? học lớp nào đấy? Brit cũng học thầy nghiêm đây.
As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
As our lives change, come whatever
We will still be FRIENDS FOREVER

Posted by tinhyeulacainieu
This is a short text summarizing my attitude to exercise and the part it plays in my life:
Nowadays, to exercise plays a more and more important part in our life. It helps us not only to be as fit as the fiddle but also keep up our strength. It?Ts doesn?Tt mean you must sweat in the aerobics class to keep your figures trim, or pump iron to build up your muscles and look more macho. Let?Ts dream of jogging through the streets.
In my life, to exercise is also very important. It?Ts my hobby. Everyday, I get up at 5:30 or sometimes at 5:00 (quite difficult!). After washing my teeth, I have a light meal. Then, I go out and start jogging around Hoan Kiem Lake. It only takes me about 30 min but during that time, I always try my best. In summer, I usually go swimming after jogging. Other season, that?Ts enough. After that, I go home and have breakfast. I only exercise like that.
Do you think it is not enough? Do you think it is easy? The answers are ?oNô? and ?oNô?. It?Ts ?overy? enough. Look at me! I?Tm ?overy? in a good shape. And it?Ts ?overy? not easy. To get up early is difficult but to get up early ?oevery morning? is more difficult. It demands both patience and diligence. It?Ts easy to say but difficult to do.
Don?Tt only wish for a perfect body! Let?Ts exercise !
As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
As our lives change, come whatever
We will still be FRIENDS FOREVER

Well, I''ve read your post, tinhyeulacainieu but before I can give any comment, could you please tell me what you are writing? An essay or just a normal post? If this is an essay, then you have to modify it a lot. You''d better make full use of sentence connections, which will obviously make your essay more and more flawless. This seems exactly like an essay assigned by a teacher at high school
As we go on, we remember all the times we had together
As our lives change, come whatever
We will still be FRIENDS FOREVER