Who can make corrections to my essay? (An EC's member need help!)

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Modern life causing many tra***ions and belief to become less important. Choose one tra***ion or belief and explain why you think it should be continued and maintained. Use Specific reasons and exemples *****pport your idea (TWE 5/99)
Work August 3, 2004 (50mins)
The modern life today brings people many chance and new value and lifestyle that doesn?Tt exist in hystory and we may forget about the past to concentrate on the future. However, there are many valuable tra***ions and belief should be continued and maintained . One of these is the tra***ional value of family that is the fundamental for the happyness.

In the tra***ional social, we often have 3 generations live together under the same roof. Though, people in the previous generation can help the younger in experiences and some house works. But in the modern world today, most of the young couple today prefer live independent from their parents and they will hire a maid to do the housework rather let their parents help. They may gain the sense of convinient and independence but they lost many tie and advantages in co-living with their parents. They will receilve fewer experiences and assistants from their parents and a maid may cause some negative effect during work.
The value of stability in family may have been neglected. the husband today want to spend some of their incomes to pay for their own hobby such as dringking some beers, playing some sports with theirs friends. Besides, the wives want to have an independent financial to their husbands, they spend money to save when there is a corrupt. They may do not contribute to their common work anymore, that the relation tie between them became very vulnerable and may cause an divorce. The statistic have shown that there are more and more divorce couple the parents may gain the independent but the victims always are theirs children. We may avoid this consequences if we could maintain the stable value in tra***ional family.

In conclusion, there are so much more exemples of tra***ional family value needs to maintain to keep our social stable and develop in happyness. As our Vienamese government has a popular slogan :?to intergrate not to dissvolve?, I deeply believe in the process of maintaining tra***ion and belief could bring us the positive effect.

Hi there,
Got some advice for ur writing. If u have problem with ur words or grammar just try to use words or structures that you are really familiar with. Try to use short and precise sentence. Take note of the verbs in each sentence that u write cos if ur essay got this kind of mistake, the mark will be highly deducted.
I like the way u arrange ur essay, very clear and strongly persuasive.
Maybe u shld try the book Grammar In Use. Not a bad book, simple and clear
Good luck , dude

Thank you i will read this book
This is my essay to day. Hope all of u could continue helping me
People remember special gift or presents that they have received. Why? Use specific reasons and exemples *****pport your answer.
Work august 6, 2004 (40mins)
Offer a present or gift is a best way to show your respect, love to others. Nomatter how value of the gift, people will always remember the way you show your sentiments through the gift. A good gift can bring the happyness for both the taker and the giver.
One of my most special gift I received is a handicraft sculpture which my grandfather offer me when I graduate university. It is a statue of 3 mental symboled fairy of our culture : Prosperity, Longevity, and Happyness. This is his wish to me in my life. I lay it beside my computer and every time when I see it I remember the love and the wish he have given to me and it encourage me much.
I sometimes offer my paintting to family members and friends and when I realize that they really apreciate my work and lay it in a important place I smile to myself:? They have respected my product and lovê?. It is make me satisfait and willing to offer more to them.
Another exemple, in the film :?T The English patient? I saw recently, there is a scene when an Indian man offer a gift to a nurse that impress me much. He know this nurse love fine arts and one night he make a way of candle light to accompagny her to him and showing her the painting of an ancient cathedral in his home town. The scene is so romantic that this girl cant forget the man.
In conclusion, love is the greatest thing in the world and people show their love by giving gift to eachother. You will never lose if your life is lighten by the love of others showed by a wonderful gift.

Sadly, noone could reply me more
Today, i work in very interesting topic
Hope you could help me:
In your opinion, what is the best way to choose a marriage partner? Use specific reasons and exemples why you think this approach is the best.
Work in 10 august, 2004 (40mins)
Marriage is one of the most important factor in life of a person. It may contribute a great amount of your happiness in the future so each people should choose their own best way to find a suitable partner. My standard to choose a wife mostly base on the education she has received, then her appearance.
In the our equal world today, women have fair chance as men in education, even in some aspect, they have more talent than men. The more they learn, the more their personality is better. The ability in learning showing that a girl must have a good intelligent, patient and diligent. Though, they may gain a good result both in academic learning and other real chanllenging in life. For instance, a well educated girl could learn how to become a good wife and she will be apply all she have learn in their future''s family. For that reason I should create an intellectual environment to approach these girls. On the other hand, I should try my best in my academic to show them what kind of man I am.
The second standard to choose a girl as a potential wife is her appearance. It is not that she must have an outlook like a model or miss but she should have a higher average beautiful. The appearance of a wife may ornament to the power of a husband, the fact that men always appreciate the beautiful woman is undeniable.
In conclusion, my good wife may have two fundamental qualities : She is well- educated and beautiful enough. This may also be a common standard of many men in our world today.

Hi samurai,
Reading through your essay, I have a sense that it would go much more flawless and might well acquire a remarkably higher score if better proofreading was taken. You?Tve made a comparative number of trivial mistakes on grammar and spelling, which will inadequately debase your essay. This writing section tests your ability to use proper English, hence, remember to take grammar into top consideration. I?Tve read piles of sample essays, most of which were pretty boring with simple words and structures, still, they got 6 for their coherence and excelent grammar.
Another thing I need to tell you, samurai, using approprate linking words and adverbs will help develop your essay fluently. There are a whole lot of choices to connect sentences other than repeating the word AND all the time, making your essay sound like it?Ts a description of something progressing.
I?Tm too busy at the moment to rewrite your essay, however, let?Ts see if I?Tm done with my task in the next few days, so I can help you.
Offer (Offering) a present or gift is a (the) best way to show your respect (and/ or) love to others. Nomatter how value of the gift (<-- grammatically false, what about No matter how valubale the gift might be), people will always remember the way you show your sentiments through the gift. A good gift can bring the happyness for (to) both the taker (this doesn''t sound well, it should be replaced by receiver or sth else like that) and the giver.
One of my most special gift (gifts) I received (this is quite ok, I''d use past participle in this case, though) is a handicraft sculpture which my grandfather offer (offered) me when I graduate (graduateD from) university. It is a statue of 3 mental symboled fairy of our culture : Prosperity, Longevity, and Happyness. This is his wish to me in my life. I lay it beside my computer and every time when I see it I remember the love and the wish he have given to me and it encourage me much.
I sometimes offer my paintting to family members and friends and when I realize that they really apreciate my work and lay it in a important place I smile to myself:? They have respected my product and lovê?. It is make me satisfait and willing to offer more to them.
Another exemple, in the film :?T The English patient? I saw recently, there is a scene when an Indian man offer a gift to a nurse that impress (,which impress) me much. He know this nurse love (love for) fine arts and one night he make a way of candle light to accompagny her to him and showing her the painting of an ancient cathedral in his home town. The scene is so romantic that this girl cant (use cannot instead) forget the man.
In conclusion, love is the greatest thing in the world and people show their love by giving gift to each other. You will never lose if your life is lighten by the love of others showed by a wonderful gift.

Hi samurai,
What exactly do you want to be helped with ?
Do you want your essay to be modified and free of grammatical errors ? Or just comments about your writing style ? Or instructions on how to write a better essay ? Or your sentences rearranged in a better way that makes the essay more fluid ? Or the ideas in the essay be extended and reasoned more logically ? Or you just want a grading on your writing ability ? Or all of the above ?
I have helped you before with your TOEFL essay but I am still unsure about what you REALLY want. Can you shed some light on this ?
Hbae787

Britney Thank you for your kindness
All of us doesnt have much time so your help is very appreciated
To Hbae
Im wonder if you have enough time to help me out all factors u ve posted. If u could i cant find a word to thank you.
What i need most is a grade of my essay. If u dont have much time just read and give me a grade. Thats what i need most
Thank you for your cooperate

Hi Samurai,
Here is my assessments on your essay "Choosing marriage partner":
1. Basic grammar : Generally good except a few errors . Needs to get rid of them though.
2. Sentence structure : Still fragmented. Needs more cohesion.
3. Ideas & reasoning : Unlike the previous essay I have read, this one lacks maturity. Needs more "depth" in your statements.
4. Introduction : Starts out great and then falters.
5. Conclusion : Does not impress many readers. It does not "close out" the essay, still leaves audience with a feeling of incompleteness.
Final verdict : I give it a generous 5 points. Actually it should have been a "4"; 1 point was added as a bonus for your hard-working ethics, Samurai.

To Samurai,
I really admire your diligent English writing practice. To improve my English writing, I should do an action like what you have done.
In ad***tion to what HBAE stated, to let others can effectively help you in getting good makrs, you should clearly stated that what kind of test (for example IELTS or TOEFL...) you will take. In order to do well in a test, the knowledge is very important but focus on some tips to get good marks in a certain test can be quite useful.

Well, I myself find the structures and vocabulary used in this following essay exceedingly poor and plain, making it sound terribly inflexible, do you guys, outstanding EC members, have any suggestions to get over this obstacle? Besides, please let me know if the paragraphs are coherently connected? Thank you for your comments.
 
 
Some people feel that the best education is offered by school while others think that the best education comes from real life experience outside of school.
Which view do you support?
 
-         Work    -
 
In order *****cceed in this life, where everything is intensely competitive, it is undeniable that we had better prepare for ourselves a wide range of knowledge. Yet, a common argument still lingers on, regarding the question whether the best education is offered by school or it comes naturally from real life experience. Personally, I am whole-heartedly in favor of the idea that experience is the best teacher.
 
Sure enough, school plays a critical role in every society. It is at school that we learn the information needed to function in our society and get fundamental knowledge for our future career. What is more, education offered by school is well guided and systematically arranged to fit the psychology of each age group.
 
Still, I strongly believe the best lessons in life cannot be taught, but comes from real life experience outside of school. Firstly, what we withdraw from experience is often much more practical than what we are instructed, which is often outdated and even imaginary from time to time. It is not tough to realize the major reason why an increasing number of high-ranked graduates cannot find any job after graduation. Most of them tend to land in embarrassing situations when first faced with complicated circumstances, while experienced graduate are totally acute and find it easy to handle.
 
Hands-on experience, in ad***ion, is all the time more particular to each individual, enabling us to be conscious of our personal strengths and shortcomings to improve our potential capabilities, whereas, knowledge provided at school is too general and might well turn out to be of no effect one applied to our own cases. Also, from our own experience, we ourselves are able to withdraw various essential lessons, making out the benefits and drawbacks, which is prone to dwell deeper in our minds and have critical effects on the future.
 
In a nutshell, however significant formal education is, the best way to learn is jumping into life and deal with it. Real life experience, indisputably, is key *****ccess, it facilitates you to be more self-confident and work more productively. Without experience, you can never apply the knowledge provided at school in practice.