Writing comments and critiques, pls

Mình viết bài này lúc đang ngồi café, định gửi đi làm sample, nếu được mong mọi người đánh giá + nhận xét hộ mình trên mấy tiêu chí:

- Style: văn phong, cách dùng từ, nối câu, chuyển đoạn... dễ chịu hay nghe như đấm vào tai

- Content: có hay ko, đọc xong có muốn biết chuyện gì sắp xảy ra tiếp ko hay kệ cho cái sọt rác nó tự tìm hiểu Viết ko suy nghĩ gì cả nên mong mọi người có chê phần này thì cũng... nhẹ mồm cho

- Readability: dễ đọc dễ hiểu ko? Phù hợp với trình độ, lứa tuổi nào? Trẻ con hay người già? Người mới học tiếng Anh cũng okie hay phải dân bản xứ mới nuốt được

- Hirability: Nếu bạn là e***or một tờ báo / tạp chí / ... tiếng Anh, của VN và / hoặc nước ngoài, thì bạn có thuê thằng viết bài này ko ạ

- Bất kì ý kiến nào khác bạn nghĩ có thể giúp mình Rất cảm ơn mọi người ^^b

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It was a quiet summer day.

Well, not exactly quiet. But cool. Certainly much welcome in the midst of this overheated city unfortunate enough to be too close to the Sun?Ts gaze. And with every refreshing gust of wind passing by your body leaving a feeling close to that of a lingering embrace, you couldn?Tt help but forget all the manufactured mess around and just enjoy the moment.

Which is exactly what I was doing, on the terrace of my favorite café. I took another sip of latte, smiled back at the cute waitress, and began to look around, trying to find something for my wandering mind to focus on.

To the left was the West Lake. Spanning across what seems like an eternity in this tiny city, I used to tell my girl when we were floating above the still water, wrapped by silence and watched by time, her arms clinging on to mine like she was afraid I?Td disappear any second now. You know, I''d smile and tell her, one day I?Tll come to my little princess in the depth of the night, carry you beyond this little ocean, and when the voile of darkness is finally pierced, maybe there?Tll be an island where there?Ts only us, and we?Tll live a life like the fairies in your imagination, free and uninhibited, each day like a living dream... And she?Td just let her head rest on my shoulder, quietly enjoying the calmness like she understood I could never leave when there was still so much I wanted to do?

It was nothing but a memory now.

I turned. To the right, another lake. Small, and ugly. A severed part of something much grander, less than plain in such close comparison. Yet couples seemed to favor it when they want a watery break. I never understood why. Maybe they were afraid of vastness (if you can call the West Lake vast) because they already felt lost without a goal to aim to in this world. Maybe they?Td been prisoners of daily concerns too long to appreciate even just a little bounded freedom. Nevermind, they were living their lives.

I didn?Tt want to watch anymore.

Below. Heh, it was everything I was trying to escape from. So I looked up. At the trees. At the birds playing, jumping from branches to branches. At the Sun trying to hide behind the clouds. Had my skills been better I?Td have drawn quite a tranquil picture right there.

But they weren''t. So I emptied my mind into a blank canvas instead, and let imagination come loose.

For a moment reality clinged, then slowly melted, every part of it blended into each other, only to emerge as odd sensations, forming a bizzare picture. Sounds turned into vivid colors, winds carried with them exotic tastes, light caressed the body, and feelings took the form of a beautiful girl...

A girl!?

The image startled my consciouness back to life. I looked at her.

That was the first mistake.

...

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