xin gửi một vài đoạn lủng củng

xin gửi một vài đoạn lủng củng

Mình chẳng có ý định gì hết, ai cười thì cũng chịu thôi, mình cảm thấy sao nói vậy cho nó khoẻ.

-------

Những buổi sáng khi bạn thức dậy, bạn cảm thấy tinh thần thật mệt mỏi và trống rỗng..bạn chạy xe tới những nơi mà bạn hy vọng sẽ bắt gặp một vài người bạn ở đó. Nhưng chẳng có ai cả, đều là những người bạn không quen. Bạn muốn được trò chuyện cùng ai đó, về bất kỳ cái gì. Nhưng chẳng có ai cả?và rồi bạn lại tiếp tục chạy vòng quanh với hy vọng sẽ tìm gặp được một người bạn..và rồi bạn chạy chạy cho đến khi bạn gặp thần chết.

Và rồi bạn tôi hỏi tôi:
- "sao mày không viết gì trên blog hết vậy?"
- thực tình tao chẳng biết viết gì cả, những người đi trước tao đã viết hết những thứ tao cần nói rồi.
- Nhưng mày là độc nhất. hơn nữa đâu phải viết cho đại chúng. Chẳng qua viết ở đây là cho bạn bè của mày đọc để họ có thể hiểu mày rõ hơn.
- bạn bè tao thực sự muốn hiểu tao rõ hơn hay là họ muốn tao hiểu họ rõ hơn. Nếu cái thứ hai là đúng thì họ đã thành công rồi vì tao hiểu họ khá rõ.

how can i say it''s a joke when people say that they are speaking very seriously....
I want to laugh and later i want to cry
i stop and see myself mixed up with man''s definitions
of which said to be civilised.

there are many places to choose from and last i went to the one which has been least expected. such is life. i was so sure of a beautiful visionary of a future and suddenly there''s a change of mine from the others and eventually my life is put in the middle of no goal.
money, she says, doesnot have a place in a decision to marrige that originated from true love..cause the power of love lifts the marriage high and people can enjoy a happy life even their finance status is not so good.
but she says to me that she has to choose, and sometimes she wants to exclude me from every her thinking to have a clear vision of things to decide a life. and... she still be in vague.
But i think that she has chosen as she says that we should not see each others any more....
oh.. finance..such a matter

- why you look that sad?
- I am not feeling happy being with you
- How come you say that?
- what you did last night is like the last drop of water
that make the water bursting out of the glass.
- then what i was supposed to do with those?
for you really put me in the situation.
man is always suspicious of something that is not clear and whenever he was put in such a circumstance, he always behaves in such a inhuman way that instintly bornt with and it is out of any culltivated ordinary settings that known.
- don''t defense for yourself. you never admit that you are wrong.
- I was behaving wrongly, certainly. but I don''t think that you are right.
- I just can not stand your stubborness any longer.


----------
I need to go to somewhere now to mediate and have a close look to myself, would you recommend me?
-I''ve known a place that called a zen monastery.
a female friend of mine has just been back after 2 weeks of living there. a place that all welcome all man to come and stay and do the me***ation for a peaceful mind. they let you stay for a while until when you are enlighted of and to have a solution of the things that caused you troubles. So I bet that you could only be there for several weeks and you would surely come back.
-could i been there for a long time?
- no, you are not allowed to be there more than 1 month.and you have to follow all the practices that applied there.
-But i am not going to have my religion changed. I just want to be there as a vangabond, a man that has no money, food and shelter. and the place that i am wishing to be in is a place that could provide with such those stuffs without any con***ions attached,
- No one is going to impose you on anything.
- that''s good, for i really need a place to live on.
-------------------
where is your love?
it''s here in front of you. the matter is whether you could see it or not for it is invisible to everyone. but it always exists.

Hi,
feeling so confused of your living...supposed many unexpected things to come and
do not know how to react.
blame others for not joining in execution of your intentions.
future is shading ..and accept living as someone that not want to
it''s you to decide how you want to take your life.
act owning to your wish.
for somewhere I am always be, the place that you look for.
I can not tell you to live by this or by that, to decide anything that ultimate to you.
I am always there
-------------------------
why worrily await the unfortune thing to come ?
why daily obssessed with the seperation?
Why be sad for something that is still unclear and not yet coming
Enjoy our love with present moment without any fear, worry rather than await for the bad, the desperate.
You were telling of a future that donot include someone, that you would leading a life of your wish
Then what would be going next õ?Ưthat might be having me or excluding me.. just itself coming naturally.
You were critisising and discontent with my doubt and worry , those are small and narrow minded. But What I can think of besides those, I want to think further..but it is beyond my control and reach.
You were not feeling good seeing me acting so coldly with the future fact.
But now after receiving your letter,I am now feeling so sad , so isolated.
The feeling is coming to us when we really feel and be painful with it.
circumstance can not change us.. we change ourselves.

- i am in the hospital
- why?
- too manythinga happnne to me at the sam time. i can not suffer all and i get down.
- the solution that you are now injected is just for a physically temporary treatment. you need a solution for your soul.
- I am very worry because i don''t know where my life will get to.
i don;t know if life is smooth during those hard time...are we pretending to live in peace or intensely suffer each other..how about you?
- Well, me. I just have two reasons firstly, i don''t want to take any part in hurting anyone. next, i shall not be eligible with responsibilities ..and becasue i don'';t like to work for anyone.
.i say I don;t like to work..my life could be insecure eventually...
but if i am attached with responsibility..i have to be getting back to things that i don''t like..and destroy myselfõ?Ư

morning garbish
"People like to change the world, but they never want to change themselves"
We were born with specific traits and we hardly let them go.
Many a single thought always is doubted, mocked, denied..
upon being agreed by the mass..becomes the truth.
Who dare to say that the way that they live is right
Being a monk? contemplating the peace within.
Practise me***ation to think of nothing
try to get rid of lust, hatred, delusion
Are they delusing themselves, searching for eternal truth?
Know by heart all liturgical books and keep walking as passing a dying poor man on the pavament
Call upon people to a simple living, while leading a sumptuos life...
Signing, signing for my stupi***y
garbish 2
everything is either wrong or right
don?Tt try to dissect others?T thoughts
limited by restricted experience,
are we sure that we understand things thoroughly
positive practising of the non-ego
strong desire to expressing for others to know
happy to be a fault finder
jugde me not, judge you not, judge others not
for after life is unknown to us all
garbish 3
thinkings are being temporal
if we assess someonê?Ts thinkings
we are telling of his past
garbish 4
I saw a bunch of elderly man gathering at the table nearby
discussing of poverty, hunger, abundance and wastefulness...
a vangabond approached the table as soon as they left
drank still_ left _one_third coffee in the glass with no reluctance or shyness
Not far from that a little girl was kneeling down, begging for compassion
people asked the hostess for some cigarrettes and lost in the reflection
further from there, a man was in pain with his head, lying on the street
people remained their seats, making wild guesses of the probabilities
I am one among them!

fear...
...when you go to work everyday...you try to work so hard and you get job done quickly...there are still fears in your eyes whenever he comes over.., you fear that he is not appreciating what you are doing, that he does not know what you?Tve done..
fear...when you are lacking of skills...
fear when you don''t understand people very well..
fear when you make some mistakes that you try to hide from your boss...
fear when you afraid that your boss will terminate the contract sooner than anticipated...
fear..when you wake up in the morning and think of many jobs to finish in a short time in the day...
fear when you make or received a phone call...
fear when you go to the restroom a longer time than usual..
fear when you wear the inaaproriate apparels...
fear when you want to laugh and sometime fear when you cough
fear when your boss ge tupset with the others that not really relevant to you
fear when hê?Ts in bad mood
fears that your associate not like you..
fear that you lose your freedom,
fear that you will end your life in fear.
Fear!
Temporary fear or pretend to fear???

I am waiting for you in a silence..
and the grass is so green...
it is even greener while the rain keep falling down
...I wish that it would stop..but it doesnot
...it keep raining and it''s a slow torture..it make the day slower..the thinking slower..everything appear slower , i feel hard to breathe.
the wind comes..and blow off branches of the tree...some kind of unindentified small bugs..coming down to my body...they bite me and i feel itchy in some parts of the body.. scatching and I feel relieve..still my heart is itchy and I donâ?Tt know how to make it go.
the grass is green..so green...and the car..it''s turning slowly to the parking lot...
the pain is slow
......the days...you...me.